On profanity and other pathetically unimaginative language

I am regularly annoyed by profanity and poor word usage in general, and frustrated with many aspects of the utter mindlessness of the practice; therefore, this post shall be divided into parts addressing each of my complaints. 

I may ramble and intermingle my points a bit because they tend to overlap.

Ignorance of Grammar

The first thing I will address is the grammatical murder that is generally committed with profanity, typified by the most frustratingly abused word: The F-bomb.  First off, it does have a single definition.  That is, sexual intercourse.  I want to make a point of how ridiculous people really are in their misuse thereof. 

I will start with a few examples.

1. "I have a [f-ing] math test today." 
2. "Where the [f-] is my phone?"(Alternately, "Where in [f-] is my phone?")
3. "Lucas sold Star Wars to Disney?  That [f-ing] [f-er]!"
4. "You voted for [insert politician here]?  That's [f-ed] up..."

Here are my comments to each example.  The general principle behind this is that if it doesn't fit context exactly, or can't have a reasonable metaphor made out of it, do not use it.

1. It's a math test involving sex, is it?   I should hope not.  That teacher ought to be fired.
2. This is my least favorite of all of them.  Let's use another verb in place of it, just to put things into perspective.  "Where the murder is my phone? / Where in murder is my phone?"  The first makes no logical sense whatsoever.  The second arguably can have illogical meaning drawn out of it, if we torture it mercilessly.  "Where in [f-] is my phone?"  In other words, "what part did my phone have while involved in sexual intercourse?" If this is your legitimate question, either you or the person you are talking to are utterly disturbed.
3. That's redundant.
4. If you say so.  My vote for a politician, whoever it be, would not legitimately have anything to do with sex. (Again, unless horrible, horrible things are going on.)

If by chance that particular word (the F-bomb) does actually describe what you are trying to convey, it is still poor word choice.  Here's why. 

Frequency of Use

In order to make your point in a manner that broadcasts your precise meaning, it is imperative to avoid over-usage of any word.  This blog makes mention of that.  As does this webcomic.
When repetition is abused in such a manner, the word (or phrase) completely loses its potency.

Shock Value

There isn't any. Whatsoever.  If you're trying to be edgy or whatnot, try something else.  Somewhat recently, the FCC legalized using the "F-bomb" on the radio, on the grounds that it was already so common that it wouldn't really make a difference.

Offensive Capacity
 
There are seven billion people in the world, and not all of them appreciate throwing around profanity.  Whether or not you personally have an aversion to it really isn't very relevant.  If you are in the company of other people who find profanity acceptable, fine.  If you are in the company of those who dislike hearing that said around them, it is a measure of courtesy to refrain while in their presence.  Part of the duty of being a member of the human race includes trying, (wherever possible, ethical, and safe), to be kind and respect your fellow beings.


In summary, swearing isn't earning you any points on the intelligence scale, is completely unoriginal, and damaging to potential relationships with people you may actually really get along with.  Please find a better way to express yourself.